What are you thinking about?

Aug 18 2014

What are you thinking about?

 In the field of pediatrics people often ask for my thoughts on a variety of things. For example, “Dr. Bailony, what’s the best crib to buy?” When a child comes to my office with ear pain, after taking a peak at his eardrum, it is my job to offer my opinion on what I see. One thing I have found critical to success though is the opposite of the aforementioned, namely my understanding of the patient. I can use the tools that I have gained over the years to properly diagnose an illness, but if I cannot connect with the person I am diagnosing, then I might as well just not show up to my office.
With this in mind, I have compiled a list of the things that I imagine my young patients thinking when I am in the examining room with them. This is a humorous list and is not based on actual thoughts. If you want to actually know what your child is actually thinking you should join Snapchat 🙂
Newborn thoughts:
  • “What on earth is this man doing to my hips??”
  • “In case you are wondering, I do not actually think my uncle is the cutest, I just have no control over my clothing choices”
  • “Oh you want to check my diaper? How about I leave you this little present then”

9 month thoughts

  • “If you are not going to let me eat that stethoscope, then I really do not see the point of it; so you might as well just put it away”
  • “That is a nice dress shirt, but it would look nicer covered in drool”
  • “How on earth do you also know how to play peek a boo. Are you a wizard of some sort?”

15 month thoughts

  • “Did anyone else here just see satan himself walk into this room and sit on that stool?… No?… It was just me?…  I don’t care, if he gets close to me I will punch him”
  • “Thank the lord, he’s finally gone. The bad part must be over….”
  • 2 year thoughts
  • “No”
  • “No”
  • “NO”

4 year thoughts

  • “Why does this man keep using the word vaccine, and what does it mean?”
  • ” Im starting to warm up to this man of endless stickers”
  • 6-8 year thoughts
  • “I find this doctors maturity level to be strangely on par with mine”
  • “Does this place sell hot Cheetos?”

10-13 year old thoughts

  • “He better not still offer me a sticker… I still want one… I just don’t want to seem immature”
  • “Does this place sell hot Cheetos?”

16-18 year thoughts

  • “Huh?… We’re at the doctor’s office?… He’s in the room??… He’s been asking me questions??… I’m sorry; I was looking at my Snapchat”
     Texting
    Artwork by Saleh Heneidi
  • “Like everything this dude says is LOL…. OMG is he wearing that?… LMAO”

18 year + thoughts

  • “I think I’m too old to be here. There’s Mickey Mouse on the wall, and my doctor is wearing a Batman belt”
While the thoughts above are obviously a joke, understanding my patients is not. The best part of doing what I do is interacting with kids. When you are 4 years old, you genuinely believe that you can grow up and become Batman, or the president of the USA. In a world where most of the rest of my life is filled with meeting jaded adults, it is the magical thoughts of children that keep me young.
Heres to staying young…
Dr Ahmad Bailony is a San Diego native and a board certified pediatrician at Sharp Chula Vista Medical Center, Sharp Mary Birch Hospital for Women and Newborns. He is a partner at Bailony Pediatrics in Chula Vista. To follow his monthly blog posts, follow him at http://bolognamd.blogspot.com/

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